View Full Version : The 213 Things Skippy is Not Allowed to Do in The US Army

December 15th, 2003, 01:43 PM
back on memorial day, someone (gurney/coffee, i'm looking towards you) posted skippy's complete list (well a link to it anyway). skippy no longer has a copy of his own list in his posession, and the domain name www.skippyslist.com has expired. as i understand it, he had a friend maintaining it while he was in the service, and once he got out, life took off & he lost track of it (he's in game design school now, and engaged, btw). anyway, if anyone can provide either a copy of the entire list, or a link to the entire list somewhere, i, and skippy, would be ever so appreciative.


December 15th, 2003, 11:34 PM
Found the 101 so far


Will update if I find others

December 16th, 2003, 09:16 AM
many thanks frodric!

December 16th, 2003, 07:42 PM
thats great

December 16th, 2003, 07:54 PM
i laughed so hard i fell out of my chair

December 16th, 2003, 08:36 PM
The poor mouse... Killed in the line of duty and Not even allowed a proper funeral :*-(

December 16th, 2003, 11:52 PM
You can't purchase souls on government time? I thought that was one thing our government did to keep some of the older politicians alive!
"Here you go, Mr. Cheney, your daily infusion of fresh souls to keep you alive until President Bush is out of the White House."

December 17th, 2003, 12:16 AM
rule # 48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision

but why not, its a completely natural reflex to some of the stuff the officers tell us to do

December 17th, 2003, 12:25 AM
LOLIMM, yes I've broken that rule before, and so has my nco's.

December 17th, 2003, 09:44 PM
#71 I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.


December 17th, 2003, 10:09 PM
Rime, I've already broken that one...numerous times.

December 17th, 2003, 11:17 PM
If you have deviances, don't they kind of tend to come out eventually despite your best efforts not to flaunt them?

December 18th, 2003, 07:09 AM
I have the whole page cached. I'd post it, but that'd take up way too much page. I never make posts that long.

December 18th, 2003, 12:39 PM
Not allowed to quote 'Full Metal Jacket' at the rifle range


Zan the Avitar
December 18th, 2003, 12:44 PM
Hmm... I wonder if I'd be allow to claim to be a dragon in disguise?

December 18th, 2003, 02:48 PM

Courtesy Coffee

December 18th, 2003, 02:56 PM
anyone want to know what he did with those boxes of fruit roll-ups? :)

December 18th, 2003, 05:27 PM
Hilarious! Thanks Coffee for saving it, and Raven for hosting it.

December 18th, 2003, 08:37 PM
Read it, didn't think it was that funny. And they say Marines are the dumb ones...

December 18th, 2003, 09:55 PM
114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.

Dammit all! *crumples up application and tosses it into the garbage*

[assuming this applies to people besides Skippy, anyway]

And, sure, what'd he do with the fruit roll-ups?

December 18th, 2003, 11:10 PM
ok.. i kept from posting, because there were sooooooo many that had me coughing up a lung... well...
#137 Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
#138 Even if my commander did it.

i almost spat pepsi on my laptop!

December 18th, 2003, 11:47 PM
ok ill bite what did skippy do with the 6 boxes of fruit roll ups

December 18th, 2003, 11:56 PM
142. 'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.

December 19th, 2003, 03:01 AM
Someone forgets to take their meds I think. A lot. In fact, I think that Skippy probably buried his meds with the mice that were to recieve a military burial.

December 19th, 2003, 03:18 AM
#24 Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.

I learned this the hard way.

#33 Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
#34 (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

I did like 100 push-ups for that one....and then some laps around the motor pool...then some flutter kicks......then some more laps....

#57 The proper response to a lawful order is not 'Why?'

I didn't learn that quick enough.

#88Must not refer to 1st Sgt as ‘Mom'.
#89Must not refer to the Commander as ‘Dad'.

we did this, but it was the Cammander was 'Mom' and 1SG was 'Dad'. LOL

#100 Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

haha!! we did that, and we told them to get us some grid squares, headlight fluid, liquid dry sweep, and a board stretcher.

#104 Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.

I know some guys who got in trouble for that....

#110 Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.


#112 When saluting a ‘leg’ officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir".

BWAHAHAAAHAHAHA!! yea...they hate that.....teehee.....

allright allright, I won't quote anymore....I just wanted to share some more humor.....

December 19th, 2003, 08:48 AM
he made it into a dress/skirt deally. while on a 4 day camping trip. in texas.
from what i hear, the ant bites were pretty bad.
also, skippy is not on meds. nor does he need to be, imho. he's a really great guy actually, not nearly as messed up as you might think. highly intelligent, great sense of humor (obviously), good taste in music, and a good friend.

December 19th, 2003, 11:24 AM
142. 'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.

Well it should be dammett.

Catila Amano
December 19th, 2003, 01:21 PM
haha!! we did that, and we told them to get us some grid squares, headlight fluid, liquid dry sweep, and a board stretcher.Hehe, in the Navy, fresh-out-of-boot recruits were told to get bearing grease (to "grease a bearing") or to go to the engine room to get a BT punch (a BT being a Boiler Technician, someone who works on engine boilers), which usually results in a bruised arm. :o

December 19th, 2003, 01:28 PM
Radioactive materials don't belong in the barracks? But everyone loves getting the free radiation treatment! The sickness it causes is just a nasty side effect.

December 20th, 2003, 12:24 AM
To funny just keeps getting better and better...

Pike Tha Blodd
December 20th, 2003, 01:48 AM
::cant stop laughing, the pain, it hurts::

by jebus thas getting spammed to everyone this christmas!!

December 20th, 2003, 12:24 PM
For the sake of my military career, I will not list those rules that I have broken.


But that doesn't mean i won't add two! I've had the new privates go to the bay and get elbow grease, of course, and the almighty "exaust sample bag" for the quarterly PMCS'. And in case you're wondering, the nomenclature for that is the ID10-tango bag. (eye dee ten tango). Heh.

Wooleen Shadowraith
December 20th, 2003, 12:53 PM
Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack

heee ^_^

December 20th, 2003, 01:24 PM
lol, 'exhaust sample bag' ROFLMAO, i remeber that we once had a guy looking all over the motor pool for that, even had him go to the Master Sgt in charge of the motor pool to ask. LoL those were some fun times.

December 20th, 2003, 01:28 PM
That's one of the reasons I like the two or three GS's working in my office. I can without repercussions ask one of them if he's been smoking crack.

December 20th, 2003, 05:15 PM
1 2 3 4


1 2 3 4

Cause your brain is fried! On crack, and dope, and all that shit you smoke CRACK BABYYYYY

*cough* I love that cadence. I'd have a list of things like that, but the thing is, I've become KNOWN to be crazy to my chain of command. So when I do things like walk around the barracks in my long underwear, combat boots, kevlar, pro mask, they don't even bat an eye. *sighs*

December 20th, 2003, 05:23 PM
I remember that cadence. That one is pretty good.

I also like one entitled, Mcdonald's Massacre. haha! My DS in basic sang that one as a parody of Airborne Ranger. It was funny when he was marching some people to church on sunday and he used that cadence....


John Dyne
December 20th, 2003, 05:39 PM
52. Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range.

GEEEEE EYEEEE JOOOOOOOOE! The number one american hero!

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.

Squid? Black earth mother? Ha ha.

74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.

You can take our land, but you cannae take Iraq!

December 21st, 2003, 02:08 AM
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it's actually DOD policy).

I was spewing water thinking about people stealing state secrets with kid's toys!

December 21st, 2003, 04:54 AM
When they first rolled out the new Radios with synched frequency hopping we pulled this bit on new platoon members. First give very army-like briefing on use of radio. Mention the PMCS manual. Tell them the silicone lubicant was left out of the manual but the addendum is enroute. Remind them they will need to make sure the kit they have contains the lubricant. If missing they should ask the commo NCO for a bottle.

Watch as PFC wanders up to SSG to request a bottle of lube for his knob.

Hilarity ensues.

We let the SSG know in advance btw. Otherwise he would have killed us at PT the next day.

Twyll Oathtaker
February 19th, 2004, 12:15 AM
I love
52. Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range.

February 19th, 2004, 09:16 AM
Calvin Ball should be authorized pt. It really should.

February 19th, 2004, 09:46 AM
Here are a couple of the ones I've heard on base.

"Go down and get me a bucket of prop wash"

Which is really funny because the term "prop wash" is the blast of air that comes off the moving propeller of an airplane. (in case you didn't know)
But it sounds like some kind of cleaning mixture.

and almost as funny to me. . .

"Go down and get me a box of fallopian tubes."

Gavin Darkhart
February 19th, 2004, 10:23 AM
"ahh, damnit, this HumVee ain't got it's ground guide. Get your ass over to the Motor pool and tell the sargent to issue us a damn ground guide!"

Move it Private!