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SWG: Twas the Nerf Before Christmas

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  • SWG: Twas the Nerf Before Christmas

    This was posted on my guild boards, thought the SWG-ers here would enjoy this. Woody, wasn't sure if this is the right forum for this. If not, feel free to move it

    ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
    Just one creature was stirring, and clicking the mouse.
    The stimpacks were hung from the backpacks with care,
    Almost to master! Just need one more square!

    The grinders kept grinding, ignoring their beds,
    While visions of holocrons danced in their heads.
    And Mamma in her fleshwrap and I in my composite
    Had just settled down after a quick terminal deposit.

    When up on the message boards came such a chatter
    I flew to the site to see what was the matter
    Away into Windows I stole with a flash,
    To read the new nerf, cost of 15 bucks cash.

    The whiners already had cursed their new gun,
    ‘It’s nerfed beyond reason! This game is no fun!’
    When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
    But old Saint Q3PO full of nerf cheer.

    The SOE staff had their nerf bats at ready,
    But the servers as always were not quite so steady.
    More rapid than eagles the nerf lists they came,
    And there was the update, and each nerf by name.

    No med droids! No dancers! No Bounties or Armors!
    No clothing! No pets and no lewt for lewt farmers!
    By the end of the list, by the end of the post,
    It was hard to tell who had been nerfed quite the most.

    I quickly logged on and loaded my ranger,
    But his items were gone and his stats were in danger.
    My backpack was empty, my hides were gone too,
    Everything had been nerfed from my helm to my shoe!

    I clicked on a link and I wrote out a ticket,
    In seconds the staff made it clear I could stick it.
    I reported a bug: “This nerf must be a goof”
    And suddenly 3PO popped in with a POOF!

    “We’ve nerfed the whole game to eliminate cheaters,
    (Then he paused and ran back when he warped 50 meters)
    We nerfed every Twi’lek and Mon Calamari,
    We nerfed every stat and made customers sorry.”

    “We made the Krayt Dragons less harmful than smurfs
    and then we took care to nerf previous nerfs!
    We nerfed Imps out on Bestine and Rebs out on Lok,
    We nerfed all the flame guns and now they just smoke.”

    Your once mighty carbines? Now barely can sting.
    We nerfed every item! We nerfed everything!”
    And as that old dev disappeared out of sight
    He cried “15 bucks from all, and to all a nerf night!”

  • #2

    Thank you, Rhia. Whoever wrote that did a really good job!


    • #3
      LOLOL, I don't play SWG but that's a good read even for us EQ'ers.
      Avallonn MoonGlamour - 65 Enchanter
      Hilbur Wilbur - 55 Cleric


      • #4
        Ever seen something that would be hilarious if it weren't so bloody true?

        If not, scroll up to the first post. It fits that category.
        The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change


        • #5
          Agreed, master halleck.

          still did get a chuckle out of it, truth or not.
          now lurking in a thread near you: The Answer Panda


          • #6
            Ditto Valenka.
            uh, Uh, UH, BALEETED!


            • #7
              Velenka. *grins*

              And yeah.. it's too true, though it read more like Dr. Seuss than The Night Before Christmas to me.. then again, I watched the old Grinch cartoon yesteday night..
              I think that Japan actually pays people like Fred Gallagher to leave their country as soon as possible.


              • #8
                as some has said before, that they envy drawing artists, I for one envy people who can use new words in a song and still make it sound right.

                It was very good.


                • #9
                  People people... stop worrying if it's the "right" forum.

                  If it needs to moved I'll move it. No worries.


                  • #10
                    *twitch* must strive for forum perfection *twitch*
                    I am going to have to disagree with your detective work there.


                    • #11
                      John's got the right of it... it's VElenka. Pet peeve of mine. Everyone, from EQ to SWG to FFXI calls me VAL or VALENKA. #@$@#%^@#...

                      Sorry for the derail.


                      • #12
                        :shock: *runs off to check her spelling*


                        • #13
                          I can still call ya "Vel" though right?
                          The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change


                          • #14
                            lol I know how you feel Vel, I constantly get people calling me Liliani or Lilia, not only complete strangers, but some in my guild as well. :?

                            I don't like constantly correcting people, but when I do take the time to point out that it starts with an i, not an L, most either don't listen, don't remember, or still don't understand.

                            Oh well. Suffice it to say none of my other alts have confusing names. I learned my lesson there.
                            Iilia SpiritCaller (EQ)
                            63 Vah Shir Savage Lord
                            Silverfire (WoW)
                            60 Troll Shaman